The Little Clintons

We are at the end of a great drama. It does not end entirely happily, but then some of the most important stories don’t.

Much has been said about the effect of the Clinton scandal on our children, and it is true that thanks to him fifth-graders now know that oral sex is not, as the few parents questioned on this before 1998 perhaps said, talking about sex. But the scandal has also highlighted a fact that we know and yet I think have not fully absorbed: There is really no escaping the American culture anymore, no escaping the big story, the current debate, the thing that’s happening. Once, you could live on a farm and raise your children with your own truths and information. Once not so long ago, in our lifetime, you could live in a big-city suburb and do pretty much the same. But now it’s all Phil Spector’s wall of sound.

There was no escaping Bill and Monica the past 13 months; they came at every parent and child who passed the racks at the candy store, they came from every newspaper headline and magazine cover, from every radio show in the car and TV show in the house, from every comic’s monologue and internet chat site. And from there to every school yard, and every kitchen table. Right into the heart of your family.

And so this scandal, which asked whether a president’s character has anything to do with his country, is the scandal that proved that a president’s character has everything to do with his country. Bill Clinton wanted to change America. “I am an agent of change,” he said in 1992. He was righter than he knew.

*   *   *

But life is funny, and often bad things get turned to good. A big storm comes, and after it’s over, neighbors find they’ve become friends, a young mother finds out she is brave. In this storm our children learned something. They saw that a big man did bad things, and then they saw that even though he was very powerful, a king more famous than Caesar, the laws of the common people were still applied to him. The crimes he committed were unearthed and investigated. He was impeached in the House, and his crimes were asserted and debated in the Senate, a great deliberative body. It could not find the will to convict him, but those senators who both were honest and had a heart for what had happened in the country stood up and called the big man’s actions what they were, low and cruel and wrong.

He was brought to the bar of justice, which is the way it’s supposed to be in a place where everyone is equal and nobody is better than anybody else. And even though the president kept his job, there was a thing that happened that we couldn’t see but a lot of people sensed: He was like an army officer stripped of his stripes and insignia in front of the troops. He did in some way get the slap of the glove he deserved. And our children know this, they know he was punished, they know that though he is still there, he also was brought down. This is not a bad lesson for children, especially children in an aging democracy, to learn.

*   *   *

Much has been made of the House managers’ valor, and much will be made, at least among conservatives, of the Senate’s failure to convict. Senators, by and large, did not seem to approach their work in a way that betrayed moral engagement. They simply managed a problem. “Does it matter that that is our constitutional role?” one asked me. Yes, the Founders intended members of the Senate to be men of property who would hold themselves aloof from passing passions. But modern senators are also princes of the city who love their high place; they understood the polls were not with this enterprise, did their best not to offend their base and kept walking.

A senator, an intelligent and thoughtful man, told me the great tragedy is that the American people have, through their support of the president, acquiesced in his abuse of the law. “This may well haunt us down the road,” he said.

But one might also, having witnessed much of the House and Senate debate, feel haunted by a sense that something is wrong with many of the people who are in politics in America now. You don’t get a sense with a lot of them that they actually put their country first; you don’t sense that they spend a lot of time asking themselves questions like, “Is this the right decision, or is it only the convenient one?”

It struck me as I watched these past few months that many of them seem, to some lesser degree, like the man whose actions they were discussing. They just—and this is almost too cornily cynical to be true, but it is—they just seem to want to be famous and powerful and successful and well thought of. They reminded me of what the political strategist David Garth said when I asked him if most of the politicians he knew and had known were driven by belief. “They start with a little philosophy and end with a little philosophy,” he said. “All the rest is hunger.” I am sure that in some ways it was ever thus, and yet I’m also sure that we can’t afford this modern political personality anymore.

*   *   *

Once a few years ago I talked to a man who was going to run for president. I asked, knowing that he had been facing some difficult questions on big issues, how he was doing. “Great,” he said, “we raised $250,000 last week.” True story. Some time back I traveled to talk to another person with national ambitions. He told me he was about to make an important statement about his thinking on a specific issue. I asked him what he was going to say, and he turned to his pollster and shrugged. The shrug said: What am I going to say? And the pollster told him.

A few months ago I watched the big ticker-tape parade that was held for the New York Yankees after they won the World Series. I was surprised to see New York’s then-lieutenant governor in the cavalcade, waving at the crowds from the back of an open car. The next day the papers had a story: She had arrived at the staging site, commandeered a car and told an aide to drive. “I am the second-highest elected official in the state,” she explained as they hit the gas.

More and more, politicians seem like weak egomaniacs, people so weak they let polls push them around and so egomaniacal they have to jump into the parade.

*   *   *

Last Thursday I went to the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington. Presidents are always invited, and presidents always show, and I was curious about what Mr. Clinton would say to 4,000 Evangelicals, as the Senate at that moment considered the charges against him.

He looked gallant and attractive as he entered with Mrs. Clinton. He looks like a good man with that big open face and the small mouth and the big jaw, an imperfect and unclever face, in the sense that the elegant and refined features of a George Sands or a Ralph Fiennes are clever looking. He listened to the speakers with a flamboyant attentiveness, as if he’s sure he’s in every reaction shot. He nodded a lot of encouragement and threw back his head in laughter.

I was struck again that he has none of the diffidence of his hero John F. Kennedy, none of the occasional ironic shyness. Kennedy showed a detached amusement when he saw the nuns jump up and down as the motorcade went by. Mr. Clinton would think they had good taste.

When he rose to speak, it was with his usual confidence and casual intimacy. He said he had worked to “deepen the peace in Bosnia” and “guarantee religious freedom for those who disagree with us.” He told stories of peacekeeping in the Mideast and Northern Ireland. The text was peace but the subtext, revealed in anecdotes in which he played the part of the person who got the warring parties together, was: I am the indispensable man.

Other presidents have asked for prayers at this breakfast, and others have taken part in them, but Mr. Clinton decided to lead them. “I ask you to pray,” he said, nine times, to the Evangelicals. Then things got interesting as he asked them to pray “for yourselves,” that we all be “purged of the temptation to pretend that our willfulness is somehow equal to God’s will.” He told them to listen well to all that had been said this day.

I thought: He’s talking to us as if he is a moral leader and we are the nice people being led. He’s providing moral instruction to a room full of ministers.

Then I thought: And he’s Bill Clinton!

People say he’s shameless, and maybe he is. Certainly he fascinated the crowd, which stood for his words at the end but, after mild applause, silently. But lately when I see him—and lately when I watched the House and Senate debates—I found myself thinking of JFK’s words after he watched Richard Nixon’s sweaty self regard during the famous last press conference in 1962. “No class,” said Kennedy. “No class.”

In politics you show your class by not indulging yourself, by not being an egomaniac, by putting good philosophy and good people first. We will of course survive Bill Clinton and his many dramas, but one wonders if we will easily survive, in the coming decade, all the little Clintons who these days are drawn to politics, who are like him but less so, and some of whom, in the U.S. Senate, now decide his fate.

Asking For A Sign

I start my new year with a memory of autumn, and that horrible day.

I have just moved back into the city from the suburbs. I am in my apartment, which is not an apartment really, as apartments are where people live, and no one could live here. There are no bathrooms, no kitchen, and no air-conditioning because I am afraid to plug in anything since the new contractor (who replaced the fired contractor) has noticed that when you hit this wall with your hand, all the electricity goes off and we may have a wee, new, costly problem.

It is late morning, damp and dark; a storm is coming. I walk around opening boxes to see if this makes me feel better, which it doesn’t because there’s no place to put anything away, and anyway I don’t need an eggbeater at the moment. I sit down on a box of sweaters and sag to the floor as a whoosh of plaster dust settles on my loafers. I am alone, awaiting the arrival of my son, who’s been on a trip with Dad before school starts in two days. And I am in a full spew of self-pity, a full stew of selfpity, a thick bubbling mass of sorrow.

Peg waiting for a signI put my head in my hands and I say, “Oh, Lord, I am sad and frustrated and angry and scared, and everything has been a failed struggle for months. I am not sure I have done the right thing, I am not sure I am in the right place, and my son to whom I’d promised the house will be ready by school time is about to see that it won’t, and will now return to his old school not from a stable place with his pictures on the wall and new khakis folded in the drawer but from plastic bags of wash in a busy, buzzing, low-rent hotel where there is only a little rickety desk for him to do his homework on. And I need a sign. I need a sign that we’re in the right place and I did the right thing and things will get better. Plus, it’s my birthday. Thank you.”

The next day, a friend I hadn’t spoken to in five weeks called me, and his first words were exactly this: Your move has been ratified by both God and nature.

What?

You don’t know, he says. Your old house-there was a storm in New Jersey. And there’s a tree in your old family room. God and nature’s way of saying your family room should be somewhere else.

I call my oId neighbor, and she says no one is hurt and the tree’s not actually in the house but leaning against it, and it wasn’t just any storm, but a tornado. With lightning. And thunder.

Well. That would be a sign. And just two hours after I asked for it.

But then, the morning after the flying tree, the better, more important sign came. First day of school, my son up and at ’em early, jacket and tie on, looking tall and handsome. And with excitement and trepidation he gets to school, where there’s a big line of kids waiting to shake the headmaster’s hand. And my son approaches and sees someone he knows and joins him. And another friend comes, and someone says, “There’s Will!” and he’s surrounded, and his old friend Tyler is looking at him with broken-faced joy. And my son is standing there laughing, bashful, and full of delight.

And suddenly I thought: his fantasy! He had told me six months earlier that he had a secret wish that one day he would return to his old school and someone would say, “There’s Will!” and he’d be surrounded by his friends and they’d all be laughing and happy together, like old times.

Well. It is a rare thing in life, a truly rare thing, when you get to witness your child’s fantasy exactly come true. And that’s when I knew: I did the right thing. And that’s when I said: Thank you .

The moral being . . . well, this, I think: We all constantly make decisions, big ones and small ones, and so often we’re leaping in the dark, flying blind. And you don’t know if you’re doing the right thing, and sometimes it takes years to know. But now and then you get a definitive answer.

It’s rare that you get such a moment. But I did. The lesson for the coming year being, I guess: Do your best, try your hardest, make your decision, hope for a break and if it doesn’t happen, make a plea, ask for a gift. Keep your eyes open. Look for signs. Both the ones that roar in like tornadoes and the ones that enter softly, on the feet of bashful delight.

The Good Guys Finally Won

In the fiery years of Watergate, Jimmy Breslin wrote a book called “How the Good Guys Finally Won.” It was a spirited recounting of how people better than Richard Nixon brought him down. It would strike some of us as odd to remember those days as happy, but that’s how Mr. Breslin saw it, and for a lot of people they were. I know a couple who courted throughout the scandal, who fell in love as they shared inside dope about what Chuck Colson did today and what Martha Mitchell told her hairdresser.

Part of what they felt was the joy of the hunt, the excitement of being a little person able to stand on principle and overpower your big, powerful enemy. This no doubt is what Ben Bradlee was referring to when, during Iran-contra, he was quoted as saying, “I haven’t had as much fun since Watergate!”

There was no such joy in Mudville when Mighty Clinton struck out. There were the tears of Tom DeLay, and the sadness of Chris Shays, and, for those watching at home, this: the picture of the murmuring, milling floor of the House as the first article of impeachment got 218 votes and passed. You couldn’t tell anything had happened from what you saw; no one seemed to notice. I cleared my throat and said to my son, “They impeached the president,” and that was the only sound.

*   *   *

Now it’s Monday morning, we’ve all had time to digest and absorb the astounding Allan Drury novel that unfolded this weekend, and one should say it: The good guys finally won.

And it was moving, because they did it against the odds, and they stood on principle, and they didn’t let the polls rule them, and they acted in a way that may have put them in both short-term and long-term political jeopardy. But they did what they thought was right. And down the road Republicans may see these nerve-jangling days as the time when their party, long buffeted by doubt and confusion, began to find its soul again.

It was Henry Hyde, stupendous and tremendous Henry Hyde, who explained better than anyone, I thought, what was at issue. “The question before this House,” he said, “is quite simple. It is not a question of sex. Sexual misconduct and adultery are private acts and none of Congress’s business. It is not a question of lying about sex. The matter before the House is a question of lying under oath. This is a public act. This is called perjury. The matter before the House is a question of the willful, premeditated, deliberate, shameless corruption of the nation’s system of justice. Perjury and obstruction of justice cannot be reconciled with the office of the president of the United States. That, and nothing other than that, is the issue before us.”

He was followed by a series of Republicans who spoke soberly, factually. The Democrats had long labeled the impeachment debate a distraction from the urgent business of a great nation. But the Republicans argued that the pursuit of justice is the business of a great nation. In winning this point, they caught the falling flag, producing a triumph for the rule of law, a reassertion of the belief that no man is above it, and a rebuke for an arrogance that had grown imperial.

It was strange and Druryesque that the most electric moment of the Clinton impeachment was the resignation of Speaker-to-be Bob Livingston, when he said of the president, “You, sir, may resign your post,” and the Democrats hissed, “You resign!” and he held up his hand, and looked at them, and told them he would. That breathtaking moment, the hooting and the hand and the announcement, seemed to me revealing of different styles, of almost characterological differences between Democrats and Republicans these days. The Democrats in Congress now are like the young Chuck Colson, partisan, ruthless and tough. The Republicans seemed like the young William Cohen, thoughtful and stricken.

*   *   *

Sunday morning, James Carville went on “Meet the Press” and did what his wife calls his nuclear winter routine, threatening the president’s foes and promising to punish them. You’d expect the president’s friends to be thinking, pondering, ratcheting down the rhetoric. Their man just became the first elected American president to be impeached. It ought to concentrate the mind. It would be more understandable if they were thinking, “If only . . . if only he had reacted differently.”

Their friend was the defendant in a sexual-harassment case. He got blindsided by an embarrassing question while under oath. He did a wrong but human thing, he panicked and lied. Then he went home. He had time to think. If only that day—or one day in the months afterward—he had said, “I was asked under oath if I’d done something wrong. I was surprised and ashamed and I lied. But I want you to know it is true, I had a relationship for two years that was wrong, I ended it, I was and am ashamed of it, and now you have this information and must do with it what you will. I’ll pay whatever fine and face whatever censure. But I can’t drag America through the mud any more over this.”

What would have happened if Mr. Clinton had done this? It would have been a five-day story, with jokes from Jay Leno and a busy buzz in the media and new attacks on his character from his opponents. And then: nothing. It all would have gone away. We could have gotten it behind us. And he would be a successful president today, the luckiest two-termer in all U.S. history, a victor shining in the lights.

Instead Mr. Clinton turned a private transgression into a public trauma. He burrowed in and continued to lie, with fervor and shamelessness, sometimes under oath and sometimes to the country.

That is why he was impeached on Saturday, because he didn’t put his country first, which still comes as a shock because it is the job of the president to put the country first; that’s what he was hired to do. It is strange that his people don’t seem to learn, that they still respond with threats and ugliness, that instead of hanging their heads they hold pep rallies at the White House, as if celebrating another jolly triumph.

It is hard to feel the full human sympathy for Mr. Clinton that one would normally feel for one who has paid a high price for his actions. Throughout the yearlong trauma he forced the country through, he smirked and maneuvered and muscled people. He acted as if he were still in Little Rock, still up against legislators in plaid suits who own the Chevy dealership. When Bill Clinton was governor and it was the Yalie vs. the yokels, the yokels folded when you leaned on them. But Washington is not Little Rock. This is why David Broder told Sally Quinn, “He trashed the place, and it wasn’t his place to trash.” And Lindsey Graham and Chris Cox and Bill McCollum are not yokels.

*   *   *

Richard Nixon was a strange man, gifted and dogged, self-pitying and morose, but even he at the end aroused sadness and sympathy. You could see that he was, as one of his close friends told me, “phony tough.” He wasn’t really a hard man, it just made him feel better to talk like he was. But Bill Clinton really is hard. That’s why it’s so difficult to feel sympathy for him, because when you look at him you see not the tears inside but the coldness.

Nixon’s people got their hearts broken by history. Pat Buchanan once told me they were close in that White House because they felt so under siege. Mr. Clinton’s people have never seemed under siege. They are attackers, aggressors. For a solid year they’ve been all over the tube, every day, 24-7, and they reflected the style of their boss: finger pointing, accusing.

I don’t recall anyone who works for him ever granting any decency or right spirit to the other side. I can’t recall one of them saying, “I understand the serious issues involved, I understand there are decent people on the other side who feel that important principles must be upheld here, I respect their views, but mine are different.” Instead it was all the smirking snarl, the snarling smirk, all “You’re partisan!,” “You’re far-right haters” leading a “right-wing putsch.”

Nixon’s people were phony tough, like him, and had hearts that could be broken. But Mr. Clinton’s people really are hard, and are proud of it. That’s why they called it the War Room.

But they hurt him with their toughness. They couldn’t help him speak to the country like a fully formed man with a fully formed heart, because Mr. Clinton surrounded himself with men like himself. They couldn’t give him what he needed, because they didn’t have it either. And that too is one of the reasons he was impeached.

But the final reason comes from Sam Ervin, the great old senator of Watergate fame. “God is not mocked,” he said. Mr. Clinton lied under oath after promising to tell the truth, so help him God. And God is not mocked.

*   *   *

A final image, one that I suspect will stay with me when I think of these days. One of the networks kept showing serial views of the White House as the debate proceeded, and you could see the Washington Monument in the background, that tall, dull monument that yet seems to mean something to people, to say something to them about the permanence and inviolability of our democracy. It’s still covered with girding top to bottom, being cleaned after years of getting dirtied by pollution.

It seemed to me the perfect metaphor for what had happened in the House this weekend. They were trying to take a grand old institution and make it clean again, make it shine like new. It was the right thing to be doing. It’s how the good guys finally won.

There Is No Time, There Will Be Time

I suppose it is commonplace to say it, but it’s true: There is no such thing as time. The past is gone and no longer exists, the future is an assumption that has not yet come, all you have is the moment—this one—but it too has passed . . . just now. The moment we are having is an awfully good one, though. History has handed us one of the easiest rides in all the story of man. It has handed us a wave of wealth so broad and deep that it would be almost disorienting if we thought about it a lot, which we don’t.

But: We know such comfort! We sleep on beds that are soft and supporting, eat food that is both good and plentiful. We touch small levers and heat our homes to exactly the degree we desire; the pores of our bare arms are open and relaxed as we read the Times in our T-shirts, while two feet away, on the other side of the plate glass window, a blizzard rages. We turn levers and get clean water, push a button for hot coffee, open doors and get ice cream, take short car trips to places where planes wait before whisking us across continents as we nap. It is all so fantastically fine.

Lately this leaves me uneasy. Does it you? Do you wonder how and why exactly we have it so different, so nice compared to thousands of years of peasants eating rocks? Is it possible that we, the people of the world, are being given a last great gift before everything changes? To me it feels like a gift. Only three generations ago, my family had to sweat in the sun to pull food from the ground.

Another thing. The marvels that are part of our everyday lives—computers, machines that can look into your body and see everything but your soul—are so astounding that most of us who use them don’t really understand exactly what they’re doing or how they do it. This too is strange. The day the wheel was invented, the crowd watching understood immediately what it was and how it worked. But I cannot explain with any true command how the MRI that finds a tumor works. Or how, for that matter, the fax works.

We would feel amazement, or even, again, a mild disorientation, if we were busy feeling and thinking long thoughts instead of doing—planning the next meeting, appointment, consultation, presentation, vacation. We are too busy doing these things to take time to see, feel, parse, and explain amazement.

Which gets me to time.

We have no time! Is it that way for you? Everyone seems so busy. Once, a few years ago, I sat on the Spanish Steps in Rome. Suddenly I realized that everyone, all the people going up and down the steps, was hurrying along on his or her way somewhere. I thought, Everyone is doing something. On the streets of Manhattan, they hurry along and I think, Everyone is busy. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone amble, except at a summer place, in a long time. I am thinking here of a man I saw four years ago at a little pier in Martha’s Vineyard. He had plaid shorts and white legs, and he was walking sort of stiffly, jerkily. Maybe he had mild Parkinson’s, but I think: Maybe he’s just arrived and trying to get out of his sprint and into a stroll.

All our splendor, our comfort, takes time to pay for. And affluence wants to increase; it carries within it an unspoken command: More! Affluence is like nature, which always moves toward new life. Nature does its job; affluence enlists us to do it. We hear the command for “More!” with immigrant ears that also hear “Do better!” or old American ears that hear, “Sutter is rich, there’s gold in them hills, onward to California!” We carry California within us; that is what it is to be human, and American.

So we work. The more you have, the more you need, the more you work and plan. This is odd in part because of all the spare time we should have. We don’t, after all, have to haul water from the crick. We don’t have to kill an antelope for dinner. I can microwave a Lean Cuisine in four minutes and eat it in five. I should have a lot of extra time—more, say, than a cavewoman. And yet I feel I do not. And I think: That cavewoman watching the antelope turn on the spit, she was probably happily daydreaming about how shadows played on the walls of her cave. She had time.

It’s not just work. We all know the applications of Parkinson’s Law, that work expands to fill the time allotted to complete it. This isn’t new. But this is: So many of us feel we have no time to cook and serve a lovely three-course dinner, to write the long, thoughtful letter, to ever so patiently tutor the child. But other generations, not so long ago, did. And we have more timesaving devices than they did.

We invented new technologies so that work could be done more efficiently, more quickly. We wished it done more quickly so we could have more leisure time. (Wasn’t that the plan? Or was it to increase our productivity?)

But we have less leisure time, it seems, because these technologies encroach on our leisure time.

You can be beeped on safari! Be faxed while riding an elephant and receive e-mail while being menaced by a tiger. And if you can be beeped on safari, you will be beeped on safari. This gives you less time to enjoy being away from the demands of time.

Twenty years ago when I was starting out at CBS on the radio desk, we would try each day to track down our roving foreign correspondents and get them to file on the phone for our morning news broadcasts. I would go to the daily log to see who was where. And not infrequently it would say that Smith, in Beirut, is “out of pocket,” i.e., unreachable, unfindable for a few days. The official implication was that Smith was out in the field traveling with the guerrillas. But I thought it was code for “Smith is drunk,” or “Smith is on deep background with a really cute source.” I’d think, Oh, to be an out-of-pocket correspondent on the loose in Cairo, Jerusalem, Paris—what a thing.

But now there is no “out of pocket.” Now everyone can be reached and found, anywhere, anytime. Now there is no hiding place. We are “in the pocket.”

What are we in the pocket of? An illusion, perhaps, or rather many illusions: that we must know the latest, that we must have a say, that we are players, are needed, that the next score will change things, that through work we can quench our thirst, that, as they said in the sign over the entrance of Auschwitz, “Work Brings Freedom,” That we must bow to “More!” and pay homage to California. I live a life of only average intensity, and yet by 9 p.m. I am quite stupid, struck dumb with stimuli fatigue. I am tired from 10 hours of the unconscious strain of planning, meeting, talking, thinking. If you clench your fist for 10 hours and then let go, your hand will jerk and tremble. My brain trembles.

I sit on the couch at night with my son. He watches TV as I read the National Enquirer and the Star. This is wicked of me, I know, but the Enquirer and the Star have almost more pictures than words; there are bright pictures of movie stars, of television anchors, of the woman who almost choked to death when, in a state of morning confusion, she accidentally put spermicidal jelly on her toast. These stories are just right for the mind that wants to be diverted by something that makes no demands.

I have time at 9. But I am so flat-lined that I find it very hard to make the heartening phone call to the nephew, to write the long letter. Often I feel guilty and treat myself with Haagen-Dazs therapy. I will join a gym if I get time.

When a man can work while at home, he will work while at home. When a man works at home, the wall between workplace and living place, between colleague and family, is lowered or removed. Does family life spill over into work life? No. Work life spills over into family life. You do not wind up taking your son for a walk at work, you wind up teleconferencing during softball practice. This is not progress. It is not more time but less. Maybe our kids will remember us as there but not there, physically present but carrying the faces of men and women who are strategizing the sale.

I often think how much I’d like to have a horse. Not that I ride, but I often think I’d like to learn. But if I had a horse, I would be making room for the one hour a day in which I would ride. I would be losing hours seeing to Flicka’s feeding and housing and cleaning and loving and overall well being. This would cost money. I would have to work hard to get it. I would have less time.

Who could do this? The rich. The rich have time because they buy it. They buy the grooms and stable keepers and accountants and bill payers and negotiators for the price of oats. Do they enjoy it? Do they think, It’s great to be rich, I get to ride a horse?

Oh, I hope so! If you can buy time, you should buy it. This year I am going to work very hard to get some.

[header] II

During the summer, when you were a kid, your dad worked a few towns away and left at 8:30; Mom stayed home smoking and talking and ironing. You biked to the local school yard for summer activities—twirling, lanyard making, dodgeball—until afternoon. Then you’d go home and play in the street. At 5:30 Dad was home and at 6 there was dinner—meat loaf, mashed potatoes and canned corn. Then TV and lights out.

Now it’s more like this: Dad goes to work at 6:15, to the city, where he is an executive; Mom goes to work at the bank where she’s a vice president, but not before giving the sitter the keys and bundling the kids into the car to go to, respectively, soccer camp, arts camp, Chinese lessons, therapy, the swim meet, computer camp, a birthday party, a play date. Then home for an impromptu barbecue of turkey burgers and a salad with fresh Parmesan cheese followed by summer homework, Nintendo, and TV —the kids lying splayed on the couch, dead eyed, like denizens of a Chinese opium den—followed by “Hi Mom,” “Hi, Dad,” and bed.

Life is so much more interesting now! It’s not boring, like 1957. There are things to do: The culture is broader, more sophisticated; there’s more wit and creativity to be witnessed and enjoyed. Moms, kids and dads have more options, more possibilities. This is good. The bad news is that our options leave us exhausted when we pursue them and embarrassed when we don’t.

Good news: Mothers do not become secret valium addicts out of boredom and loneliness, as they did 30 and 40 years ago. And Dad’s conversation is more interesting than his father’s. He knows how Michael Jordan acted on the Nike shoot, and tells us. The other night Dad worked late and then they all went to a celebratory dinner at Rao’s where they sat in a booth next to Warren Beatty, who was discussing with his publicist the media campaign for “Bulworth.” Beatty looked great, had a certain watchful dignity, ordered the vodka penne.

Bad news: Mom hasn’t noticed but she’s half mad from stress. Her face is older than her mother’s, less innocent, because she has burned through her facial subcutaneous fat and because she unconsciously holds her jaw muscles in a tense way. But it’s okay because the collagen, the Botox, the Retin-A and alpha hydroxy, and a better diet than her mother’s (Grandma lived on starch, it was the all-carbo diet) leave her looking more . . . fit. She does not have her mother’s soft, maternal weight. The kids do not feel a pillowy yielding when they hug her; they feel muscles and smell Chanel body moisturizer.

When Mother makes fund-raising calls for the school, she does not know it but she barks: “Yeah, this is Claire Marietta on the cookie drive we need your cookies tomorrow at 3 in the gym if you’re late the office is open till 4 or you can write a check for $12 any questions call me.” Click.

Mom never wanted to be Barbara Billingsley. Mom got her wish.

[header] III

What will happen? How will the future play out?

Well, we’re going to get more time. But it’s not pretty how it will happen, so if you’re in a good mood, stop reading here and go hug the kids and relax and have a drink and a nice pointless conversation with your spouse.

Here goes: It has been said that when an idea’s time has come a lot of people are likely to get it at the same time. In the same way, when something begins to flicker out there in the cosmos a number of people, a small group at first, begin to pick up the signals. They start to see what’s coming.

Our entertainment industry, interestingly enough, has plucked something from the unconscious of a small collective. For about 30 years now, but accelerating quickly this decade, the industry has been telling us about The Big Terrible Thing. Space aliens come and scare us, nuts with nukes try to blow us up.

This is not new: In the ‘50s Michael Rennie came from space to tell us in “The Day the Earth Stood Still” that if we don’t become more peaceful our planet will be obliterated. But now in movies the monsters aren’t coming close, they’re hitting us directly. Meteors the size of Texas come down and take out the eastern seaboard, volcanoes swallow Los Angeles, Martians blow up the White House. The biggest-grosser of all time was about the end of a world, the catastrophic sinking of an unsinkable entity.

Something’s up. And deep down, where the body meets the soul, we are fearful. We fear, down so deep it hasn’t even risen to the point of articulation, that with all our comforts and amusements, with all our toys and bells and whistles . . . we wonder if what we really have is . . . a first-class stateroom on the Titanic. Everything’s wonderful, but a world is ending and we sense it.

I don’t mean: “Uh-oh, there’s a depression coming,” I mean: We live in a world of three billion men and hundreds of thousands of nuclear bombs, missiles, warheads. It’s a world of extraordinary germs that can be harnessed and used to kill whole populations, a world of extraordinary chemicals that can be harnessed and used to do the same.

Three billion men, and it takes only half a dozen bright and evil ones to harness and deploy.

What are the odds it will happen? Put it another way: What are the odds it will not? Low. Nonexistent, I think.

When you consider who is gifted and crazed with rage . . . when you think of the terrorist places and the terrorist countries . . . who do they hate most? The Great Satan, the United States. What is its most important place? Some would say Washington. I would say the great city of the United States is the great city of the world, the dense 10-mile-long island called Manhattan, where the economic and media power of the nation resides, the city that is the psychological center of our modernity, our hedonism, our creativity, our hard-shouldered hipness, our unthinking arrogance.

If someone does the big, terrible thing to New York or Washington, there will be a lot of chaos and a lot of lines going down, a lot of damage, and a lot of things won’t be working so well anymore. And thus a lot more . . . time. Something tells me we won’t be teleconferencing and faxing about the Ford account for a while.

The psychic blow—and that is what it will be as people absorb it, a blow, an insult that reorders and changes—will shift our perspective and priorities, dramatically, and for longer than a while. Something tells me more of us will be praying, and hard, one side benefit of which is that there is sometimes a quality of stopped time when you pray. You get outside time.

Maybe, of course, I’m wrong. But I think of the friend who lives on Park Avenue who turned to me once and said, out of nowhere, “If ever something bad is going to happen to the city, I pray each day that God will give me a sign. That He will let me see a rat stand up on the sidewalk. So I’ll know to gather the kids and go.” I absorbed this and, two years later, just a month ago, poured out my fears to a former high official of the United States government. His face turned grim. I apologized for being morbid. He said no, he thinks the same thing. He thinks it will happen in the next year and a half. I was surprised, and more surprised when he said that an acquaintance, a former arms expert for another country, thinks it will happen in a matter of months.

So now I have frightened you. But we must not sit around and be depressed. “Don’t cry,” Jimmy Cagney once said. “There’s enough water in the goulash already.”

We must take the time to do some things. We must press government officials to face the big, terrible thing. They know it could happen tomorrow; they just haven’t focused on it because there’s no Armageddon constituency. We should press for more from our foreign intelligence and our defense systems, and press local, state, and federal leaders to become more serious about civil defense and emergency management.

The other thing we must do is the most important.

I once talked to a man who had a friend who’d done something that took his breath away. She was single, middle-aged and middle class, and wanted to find a child to love. She searched the orphanages of South America and took the child who was in the most trouble, sick and emotionally unwell. She took the little girl home and loved her hard, and in time the little girl grew and became strong, became in fact the kind of person who could and did help others. Twelve years later, at the girl’s high school graduation, she won the award for best all-around student. She played the piano for the recessional. Now she’s at college.

The man’s eyes grew moist. He had just been to the graduation. “These are the things that stay God’s hand,” he told me. I didn’t know what that meant. He explained: These are the things that keep God from letting us kill us all.

So be good. Do good. Stay his hand. And pray. When the Virgin Mary makes her visitations—she’s never made so many in all of recorded history as she has in this century—she says: Pray! Pray unceasingly!

I myself don’t, but I think about it a lot and sometimes pray when I think. But you don’t have to be Catholic to take this advice.

Pray. Unceasingly. Take the time.

The Outsider, on the Outside Again

Newt Gingrich’s singular place in politics could be seen over the weekend in this: He got hundreds of sincere tributes from people who were sincerely delighted he was leaving.

He was right to go, right to take the election’s blame on his back and bear it away. His leadership had failed, his party had lost focus, and, as happens in politics, his friends had come and gone while his enemies had accumulated. His revolution had faltered, and by own standards. In 1995, near the end of the first hundred days of the 104th Congress, I asked him at what point he would know if this was an interesting moment in history, or the true beginning of something. “I’ll know two years, four years, six years from now,” he said. Meaning: when the Republican majority in the House and Senate either grows and settles in or doesn’t and dwindles.

But before he goes we should give him his due, and not only because he deserves it. In giving it we can see how far Republicans have come the past 20 years. We can probably see some lessons for the future too.

[Header] ‘Frisky Puppy’

Mr. Gingrich moved history. He both was shaped by his times and shaped them, and with genuine vision. “He knows where he wants to go,” Margaret Thatcher said of him in the summer of 1995. “And he has tons of guts.” Then she paused. “Bit of a frisky puppy, though.”

To say the least. Tons of guts is part of what got him to the speakership, along with an almost deranged optimism and imagination.

Maybe the last he needed most. Mr. Gingrich walked into Congress for the first time in 1978, in almost the exact middle of the 40-year reign of the Democratic majority. He looked around, saw their complete domination of the agenda, their complete control of the committees, their refusal to let minority views on taxes and spending and foreign affairs be debated or even heard. He saw their wild frustration of the Republicans, saw their leaders’ attempts to be players by “living with reality” and “accepting the hand you’re dealt,” saw that they had become low-budget liberals who’d grown comfortable with the status quo. He watched the only poll that matters in Congress, the one that comes every two years when the voters vote, and saw that even though they always told exit pollsters they didn’t like or respect Congress, 90% of the time they re-elected their own congressmen.

He saw the disrespect he got in the press when his ideas got any attention at all, saw the unreturned phone calls pile up, saw it all and said with the sunny optimism of the idiot or the visionary: We can change this.

We can change it. For 16 years that was his chant. I first him heard say it in 1984, when he dropped by to visit some of Ronald Reagan’s speechwriters. We were known as optimists and we were on his side, but I didn’t think he could do it. I told him that in 1995, and he was surprised. He said, “Ten years ago I assumed I’d be here. I assumed I’d be helping to reshape the country.”

Why? I asked.

“Robert the Bruce. Robert the Bruce and the spider.” In the old story the great Scottish warrior, exhausted after a series of lost battles, sits on a rock in the forest and weeps. And he sees a little spider trying over and over to weave a strand to carry him upward. And a strand breaks and he falls and a strand breaks and he falls. And finally a strand holds, and he climbs, and builds.

“If you think about the spider, why wouldn’t you assume I’d eventually make it?”

This makes him sound charming. Would that he had been.

At the beginning of the hundred days I saw—anyone could see—what his problem with the public might become. He was speaking to members of the Republican National Committee in a Washington hotel. His famous book deal had just become public and he was under heavy criticism. He was furious at the attacks. Haley Barbour, then the Republican national chairman, spoke to him before he went on. Don’t talk about the book contract, he said; talk about the Contract With America.

Mr. Gingrich got up and quoted Mr. Barbour. Then he tore into his critics, saying their hatred of him was personal but not only personal. “I am a genuine revolutionary,” he said, “and they are genuine reactionaries.” He said they would do everything they could to stop him, but he would not be stopped.

The audience was rapt, almost frightened by the ferocity of his words and his delivery, which was one long blast of anger.

I thought at the time: It is good to see a political figure so uncontrolled by spin and its doctors, good to see one explain what he thinks is driving the political situation in which he is embroiled. But doesn’t his fury detract from the revolution? He makes the story himself, and not the merits of legislation.

His great virtue was his great vice: For 20 years he fought what seemed a losing fight with courage and aggression. Now he was where he wanted to be. And his spectacular aggression, which had lifted him up, also brought him down, and made the country turn away.

Mr. Gingrich in those days compared himself often to Eisenhower and Grant. But it was another general he put you in mind of. Patton couldn’t stop punching forward; thus was Sicily liberated. Then he slapped a soldier.

Mr. Gingrich was like Bill Clinton in that he didn’t really understand why you might not want him in your face all the time, on the tube, in the news conference, at the speech. He didn’t see why people in 1995 who’d experienced two years of Clintonmania might not see Newtomania as a relief.

He did not sense that an unshared thought can have power, that the face you have when you have an observation that you’re too circumspect to share is an interesting face, and an interesting face has a certain mystery—What’s he thinking?—and mystery has certain power.

His friends said it wasn’t Newt, it was the media. The media in Sam Rayburn’s day was Scotty Reston with a notebook. Now it’s 50 TV shows and 500 radio shows, a huge sucking maw that demands statements and sound, a thousand technicians with boom mike chasing him as if they were Ahab and he was the whale.

He should have dived deep, disappeared and now and then sent up a riveting, powerful spray. Instead he held news conferences every day, bickering with a hostile press. It was like the daily acting out of a bad marriage in which neither party likes or understands the other and both see no way out.

He rose of course not as a conciliator but as an aggressor. He wouldn’t dodge an argument, he’d start one; he wouldn’t shade a truth, he’d assert it, colorfully and memorably, often to the empty House, on C-Span. He felt he was reaching the American political class, the activists, the sophisticated couch potatoes surfing in the night.

He thought he was doing what the left said to do: Speak truth to power. And what he did in those days was part of the reason the Democrats hated him, and would hate him forever. And part of why the Republican establishment didn’t know what to do with him.

And they didn’t.

Lord Darby, born to royalty, once tried to explain to Queen Victoria the problem with her new prime minister. “Mr. Disraeli has had to make his position, and men who The Outsider make their position will say and do things which are not necessary to be said and done by those for whom positions are provided.”

Many members of Mr. Gingrich’s party—the Danforths, the Heinzes, the Bakers—had come from comfort and were calmer.

Mr. Gingrich was an outsider, from the Army-brat middle class, his family was always moving, and he was always the new kid .He was an outsider as a college professor who was a conservative, as a House member who was a right-wing back-bencher. At the Reagan White House they saw him as a big mouth with no class. The Bush White House hated him for breaking with the president over taxes. He was the kind of outsider whose vision of himself was so shaped by his differentness, his outsiderness, that he couldn’t get it through his head that he was now an insider. He couldn’t feel comfortable about it because for at least 30 years, in the geography of his mind, insiders occupied a territory called Corruption, or Sold Out. Outsiders lived in a land called Decency. To be an insider was to move to a neighborhood with better houses and worse people.

But the leaders of his own party looked down on him in the 1970s and ‘80s, and it wasn’t lost on him. Talking about it once, he said, “Do I know that despite my best efforts to help Ronald Reagan, do I know that Jim Baker and Dick Darman thought I was a jerk? Sure.”

He looked at me challengingly. And continued: “Did I know that all during the Bush years, while I was trying to save Bush, that Darman was trying to destroy me? Sure. But that only tells me who I think I am. I’m a historic figure. What I was 11 or 12 years old a friend gave me an old clipping of Lincoln’s defeats. I carried it around for years. Lincoln lost five times between being a congressmen and winning the presidency. Five straight losses, all in the 1850s.

“So my attitude is, a lot of people who will go down in history as dumb, or interesting secondary figures like Baker, undervalued me when I was doing what I had to do to be me. It didn’t offend me. I didn’t really like it but it was not—it would have cost too much . . . to have noticed it.”

Michael Barone wrote an essay on Mr. Gingrich, saying, “Like Charles DeGaulle, he has believed from childhood that he has a great destiny, that he will reshape the nation. Like DeGaulle he has overcome setbacks, mistakes, ridicule and opposition, and has persevered in his stands until his confidence no longer seemed ridiculous. Like DeGaulle he believes that his nation has a special mission. And like DeGaulle he has heaped scorn on his opponents and cold bloodedly ended the careers of those who have stood in his way. Gingrich cannot be unaware of the parallels — in one of his [college] lectures he talks about DeGaulle and himself in the same breath.”

But as DeGaulle himself once said: The graveyards are full of indispensable men. And you cannot lose as badly as Mr. Gingrich did in the past few years and survive.

The lessons? Some obvious ones, I suppose. It would be good for Republican leaders to take a deep breath and remember how far we’ve come since the day Newt Gingrich walked into Congress. Good to remember that fierceness doesn’t always work, that the media is a steamroller that shatters and crushes big sharp rocks but leaves sturdy pebbles undisturbed. Good to remember to calm down, lead, act not as if you’re a minority member giddily thrust to the top but a majority member soberly leading. Stick to first principles, don’t distract with personal drama, be serious and not clever.

And probably good to see this: We’re at the end of a 20-year arc and the beginning of a new era.

In 1978, when Mr. Gingrich entered the House, the tax-cutting Proposition 13 swept California and Ronald Reagan lay in wait. The modern conservative movement, reflecting the will and wants of the people on taxes and spending and cultural issues and foreign affairs, began to fully emerge. The movement became a coalition, which yielded a realignment, and Mr. Reagan was twice swept into the White House. And, in 1994, Republicans won Congress for the first time in 40 years.

And now we’re in another time. Newt’s uncalm visage, the failed government shutdown, Oklahoma City and the releasing of the president’s grand jury testimony left the men and women who had long stood for middle America looking extreme, radical, strange.

And middle America itself has changed in 20 years, inevitably, perhaps profoundly. And we are all of us still catching up with the changes, which have been cultural, attitudinal, and can be seen most dramatically in the fact that a president whose behavior would a generation ago have resulted in immediate dismissal is today secure, unremoved and popular.

[Header] New Terrain

The new era brings its own new terrain. The former Bush domestic policy adviser Jim Pinkerton says the lesson to start with is this: “There’s the realm of politics and there’s the realm of morality, and sometimes they intersect and sometimes they don’t. Clinton will get whatever he deserves in the hereafter, but in the here and now he’s won. And those who wish to contend with him in 1998 must take that into account.”

And here’s another idea. It is the guidance and inspiration to be found in looking again at the life of Abraham Lincoln, a great moral and political leader who spent the years before he took the presidency being against slavery and speaking against slavery and inching the country along to see it his way. He sometimes frustrated his friends and delighted his foes, but he inched each day closer to the prize, through calm leadership and with a human, humorous, appealing face. Great personal qualities deployed politically: He made it hard to hate him.

That’s what Republicans must do. That’s what Newt Gingrich didn’t do, couldn’t do.

American Caligula

For seven months I have kept on my desk a picture from a tabloid. It is of two close friends of President Clinton, Linda Bloodworth-Thomason and the actress Markie Post. They are laughing and holding hands in joyous union as they jump up and down at where fate has put them down. It had put them in the Lincoln bedroom. They were jumping up and down on Lincoln’s bed.

It seemed to me emblematic of the Clinton White House, a place where opponents’ FBI files were read aloud over pizza and foreign contributors with cash invited in the back door. I thought: Something’s wrong with these people, they lack thought and dignity. But most of all they seemed to lack respect, a sense of awe—not the awe that can cripple you with a false sense of your smallness but the awe that makes you bigger, that makes you reach higher as if in tribute to some unseen greatness around you.

That, it seemed to me last week, as the president spoke each day and the Starr report was published—that was Mr. Clinton’s problem, his real sin—a fundamental lack of respect for his country, for its citizens, for his colleagues, for all of us. The pollsters have it wrong when, seeking to determine whether he can continue to govern, they ask, “Do you respect the president?” The real question is, “Do you think he has any respect for us?”

I think he showed with a chilling finality last week that he does not. I believe he demonstrated that people and principles are, to him, objects to be manipulated. You can tell preachers you cherish scripture, tell Monica you cherish her, it doesn’t matter. The object, as Dick Morris says the president told him, is to “win.”

*   *   *

Never, in all of last week, did he explain why he put the country through eight terrible months of dissension and distraction, when he easily could have spared it the trauma (and spared his career too). Never did he explain why he sent his media generals out every day to lie for him with conviction, and to slime his opponents. It was telling that when he spoke to the evangelicals he said some people needed apologizing to, and that first, and “most important,” was his family. What followed was a litany of his friends and his staff. His country came in dead last in the litany, as it has in his actions.

In the report and in his comments it was clear that the most important thing to Bill Clinton is, now and always, Bill Clinton. But what was amazing is that he seemed last week to think that we feel that way too.

*   *   *

And so he spoke of the scandal as his “journey.” He said it has helped him grow. He said it may make him stronger. He said it has been an exhausting week for him. He said this has been the most difficult time of his life. But then, as if to comfort us in our concern, he offered context: It may turn out to be the most valuable, too.

He noted that his drama may make American families stronger. He said it provides an opportunity for healing. He spoke moistly, glisteningly of the early days of his first presidential run, “when nobody but my mother . . . thought I had a chance of being elected.” He talked of a little boy who told him “he wanted to be a president just like me.” The boy was “husky, like I was,” the president said moistly, glisteningly.

He compared himself to Mark McGwire. Would you want Mr. McGwire to give up now, he asked? But Mr. McGwire is a champion because he has shown himself the past 10 days to be what is now an amazing thing, a celebrity who is a good man. This is the exact opposite of what Mr. Clinton has shown. The weird solipsism, the over-the-top self-dramatizing continued in the Starr report. There Mr. Clinton was not Mark McGwire but, as he told Sidney Blumenthal, a “character in a novel,” a victim of a sinister force weaving a web of lies about Monica Lewinsky and him. He compared himself to the hero of “Darkness at Noon.”

He told evangelical ministers at a prayer breakfast that he had reached “the rock bottom truth of where I am.” He said he has “sinned.” He bit his lip, lowered his moist eyes, and said his “spirit is broken.” He then went on to a raucous awards dinner where he laughed gaily, waved and announced, “Hillary and I have been . . . just lapping this up!”

*   *   *

For all he seemed to be, in Flannery O’Connor’s phrase, a pious conniver. As he spoke to the evangelicals, I was reminded of his great learning experience in 1980, after he lost his re-election race for the governorship. Knowing the people of Arkansas had come to see him as different, as too liberal and too Yale, he immediately went out and joined the only local church choir that sang on TV every Sunday morning. People liked it. He manipulated them for gain, to win. And in 1982 he won.

The problem is not that he is an actor. As an actor he puts not only Ronald Reagan to shame, but Laurence Olivier. The problem is that he thinks people will believe anything, that if he says a thing it is true. He absorbs his lies, and becomes them. The country suffers for this.

Mr. Clinton seems—and this is an amazing thing to say about a president—to lack a sense of patriotism, a love of country, a protectiveness toward her. He dupes the secretary of state, who must be America’s credible voice in the world, into lying for him to the public and press. He fears his phone is being tapped by foreign agents, opening him to international blackmail. But he does not discontinue phone sex. Instead he comes up with a cover story. He tells Ms. Lewinsky they can say they knew they were being bugged, and it was just a “put on.” He sends the first lady to go on television, where she denies the Lewinsky charges and says, “This is a battle. . . . some folk are going to have a lot to answer for.”

It is similarly amazing to say of an American president that he is decadent—an Ozarks Caligula, as a placard he passed last week put it. While being sexually serviced he keeps the door ajar so his secretary can alert him to calls; while taking one from a congressman he unzips his pants and exposes himself so he can receive oral sex. He masturbates in front of his young lover in the bathroom near his study, and in a staff member’s office. When Ms. Lewinsky asks him about rumors that he’d attempted to molest Kathleen Willey, he is indignant: He would never approach a woman with small breasts. When the Lewinsky story breaks, he asks a pollster, a man newly famous for letting a prostitute listen in while he advised the president on strategy, if he should tell the truth. The pollster tells him no. The president responds, “Well, we just have to win then.”

*   *   *

It is interesting, by the way, that of the self-described hundreds and hundreds of women Bill Clinton has been involved with, it is Ms. Lewinsky who has done the most damage. The reason I think is that in picking her he made a crucial mistake: He chose someone much like himself. She describes herself as insecure as she makes demands. She learned to manipulate in this manner through the culture of therapy. Her wants are justified because she is, after all, burdened with fears, and can be comforted only by the meeting of her demands. He picked someone with as grand a sense of entitlement as his own. At the end of the affair she demands that he feel contrition; she also demands a job with these words: “I don’t want to have to work for this position. . . . I just want it to be given to me.”

And he picked someone who is, like himself, an exhibitionist. It never occurred to Ms. Lewinsky to be discreet about their affair, not to tell a dozen friends and family about the cigar, the nicknames. But then discretion has never really occurred to him, either. That’s how we know about so many of his affairs. He always leaves a trail, an open door. He wants us to know.

*   *   *

I once saw the president in one of those big Washington hotel dinners a few years ago shortly after he talked about his underwear on TV. He was in full self-deprecating mode, teasing himself for his mistake. But he went on a little too long; he talked too much about it, and the crowd seemed to be thinking what I was: Doesn’t he know that as he stands up there going on and on about his shorts we are starting to imagine him in his shorts? The poor man doesn’t know. And then I thought: Yes he does! He wants us to imagine him like that. And he has lived out his presidency so we can.

Caligula made his horse a senator; Mr. Clinton made his whoring a centerpiece. Both did so because they lacked respect and concern for anything but themselves. Ancient times could tolerate its Caligula, but Mr. Clinton is, quaint phrase, the most powerful man in the world, the leader of the free world, the chief executive of the United States, commander of our armed forces, the man who one day may be forced by history to unleash a nuclear missile. It is not tolerable that such a person be in such a position, and have such power.

Jesse Jackson once said, “God isn’t finished with me yet,” and it was beautiful because it was true. God isn’t finished with any of us. Maybe he will raise up Bill Clinton and make him a saint, a great one. Maybe he will make Bill Clinton’s life an example of stunning redemption. But for now, and now is what we have, Bill Clinton is not wise enough, mature enough, stable enough—he is not good enough—to be the American president.

In the therapeutic language he favors, an intervention would seem to be in order. That would be impeachment, for the high crime and misdemeanor of having no respect for his office, for his country, and for its people.

Why The Speech Will Live In Infamy

After seven long months, what we got was four minutes of petulance and prevarication. It felt less like a speech than a slap.

The President’s speech was a disaster, a historic failure that will be ever noted and long remembered. It was, in fact, a reverse Checkers speech. The Checkers speech was a defiant and manipulative statement that saved a career. The Monica speech was a defiant and manipulative statement that will, I believe, ultimately undo one.

The speech had to do four difficult things. First, it had to both be forthcoming and seem forthcoming. Second, it had to elicit from the audience sympathy, empathy, a desire on the part of Americans to make the collective leap from the pursuit of justice to the bestowing of mercy. Third, it had to answer more questions than it raised. And fourth, it had to make the case that it is in our interests as a great nation to move on; it had to end this story by taking the steam out of it.

It failed on all counts. The President was not and did not appear to be forthcoming. His previous untruthful statements were “legally accurate,” though he did not “volunteer information.” He had a relationship with Miss Lewinsky that was “not appropriate.” His public comments and his silence gave “a false impression.” He regrets this. He used the lawyerly locutions of one who is using words not to reveal but to conceal. He could not resist the self-indulgent—he was the victim of questions raised “in a politically inspired lawsuit which has since been dismissed.” He meant to show conviction and instead revealed arrogance—”It’s nobody’s business but ours.”

The speech did not elicit sympathy because he was not tough on himself. He was, instead, tough on the independent prosecutor. His demeanor was not that of a strong man in a moment of contrition but that of a defensive man in a moment of aggression. There was no trust in his speech, no sense that he knew he could trust the compassion of the people he leads. When you fail to trust the people, they notice and are not warmed. More to the point, they are left uninclined to give you what you don’t give them. He did not explicitly apologize for having forced the country through seven solid months of mystery, distraction and embarrassment. He suggested this was the fault of an overzealous prosecution.

He raised more questions than he answered. What was the nature of the relationship that was “not appropriate”?

Why was it “wrong”? What did the patronizing “Even Presidents have private lives” mean? Does it mean that Presidents can have sexual relations with 21-year-olds in the room next to the Oval Office and that if we look into it we are “prying into private lives”? Has he learned anything? Will this happen again? Is it quite right for him to instruct the public to “turn away from the spectacle” and “repair the fabric of our national discourse”? Who caused this spectacle? Whose actions led to the most recent deep tearing of the fabric?

I should note here that just before the speech, a guest on Larry King Live said the President should “do a 100% grovel.” The American President cannot, should not, must not grovel. But a strong man can tell hard truths; can be tough on himself; can, through painful candor, inspire a nation to be its best, most generous self. But he must be his best, most generous self first.

Because he was grudging and graceless, because he was not utterly candid and unsparing, because he kept alive old questions and gave life to new ones, because he was his worst self, Bill Clinton did not end this story. He left his friends what they so often are, embarrassed, and his enemies emboldened. He did not rob the engine of its steam. He did the one thing he absolutely could not afford to do: he stoked the fire.

Are we surprised by all this? I was. Clinton has usually been equal to the moment. He has never been eloquent, merely verbal, and he has never—how to put it?—stunned us with his brilliance. But he has often been shrewd, and he has always shown the skills of the survivor. He has always, too, acted the public part of the presidency with ease and burly vanity. The other night on TV I saw a videotape of Clinton walking along the White House lawn, his hands clasped thoughtfully behind his back, his face a shaded mask of contemplation. In physical attitude and facial expression he looked exactly like the lovely White House portrait of President Kennedy. And you know what I am sure he was thinking as he walked by the cameras? He was thinking, “I look exactly like the lovely portrait of President Kennedy.”

So he can act, and does. Why was his acting so bad the other night? I don’t think he was acting. I think he’s tired. I think he dropped the mask. I think it was the real Bill. And I think that for a lot of people the glimpse was unsettling.

But the speech was one thing all speeches want to be. It was historic. It changed things. Alice Roosevelt Longworth once explained the scandal-plagued President Warren Harding to a friend: “Harding was not a bad man, he was just a slob.” For six years, Bill Clinton’s countrymen have thought that for all his messiness and melodrama, he was a basically good fellow, our Bubba, our flawed and favored good ole boy. But after this speech, with its sullen anger and trimming, a chord may have been broken, an estrangement begun. Something tells me “He’s not a slob, he’s a bad man” is on the way, which will be especially wounding for one who so needily gulps the people’s approbation.

Early reports are that Hillary Clinton had a hand in the speech. This would seem to suggest that Dr. Freud was right: a person who has been hurt by another individual will sometimes take unconscious revenge.

Ronald Reagan

Clare Boothe Luce famously said that each President is remembered for a sentence: “He freed the slaves”; “He made the Louisiana Purchase.” You have to figure out your sentence, she used to tell John Kennedy, who would nod thoughtfully and then grouse when she left. Ronald Reagan knew, going in, the sentence he wanted, and he got it. He guided the American victory in the cold war. Under his leadership, a conflict that had absorbed a half-century of Western blood and treasure was ended—and the good guys finally won.

It is good to think of how he did it, because the gifts he brought to resolving the conflict reflected very much who he was as a man. He began with a common-sense conviction that the Soviets were not a people to be contained but a system to be defeated. This put him at odds with the long-held view of the foreign-policy elites in the ‘60s, ‘70s and ‘80s, but Reagan had an old-fashioned sense that Americans could do any good thing if God blessed the effort. Removing expansionary communism from the world stage was a right and good thing, and why would God not smile upon it?

He was a historical romantic, his biographer Edmund Morris says, and that’s about right. He was one tough romantic, though.

When Reagan first entered politics, in 1964, Khrushchev had already promised to bury the U.S., Sputnik had been launched and missiles placed in Cuba. It seemed reasonable to think the Soviets might someday overtake the West. By the time Reagan made a serious run for the presidency, in 1976, it was easy to think the Soviets might conquer America militarily.

But Reagan said no. When he became President, he did what he had promised for a decade to do: he said we were going to rearm, and we built up the U.S. military. He boosted defense spending to make it clear to the Soviets and the world—and to America—that the U.S. did not intend to lose.

As President, he kept pressure on the Soviets at a time when they were beginning to fail internally. He pushed for SDI, the strategic defense missile system that was rightly understood by the Soviets as both a financial challenge and an intimidating expression of the power of U.S. scientific innovation.

There are those who say it was all a bluff, that such a system could never have been and will never be successfully developed. Put that aside for a moment, and consider a more relevant fact: If it was a bluff, the Soviets didn’t know it. And more to the point, Reagan as President had the credibility with the Soviets to make a serious threat. (And a particularly Reaganesque threat it was: he said not only would we build SDI, but we would also share it with them.)

Reagan’s actions toward the Soviets were matched by his constant rhetorical pounding of communism. He kept it up, for eight years, from “the evil empire” to “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall,” a constant attempt to use words to educate and inspire.

Margaret Thatcher said it best: he took words and sent them out to fight for us. He never stopped trying to persuade, to win the world over, to help it think about the nature of democracy and the nature of communism, and to consider which system it was that threatened the world’s peace.

In doing all this—in insisting that, as the sign he kept on his desk in the Oval Office said, IT CAN BE DONE—he kept up the morale of the anticommunist West. And not only Americans. When Natan Sharansky was freed after nine years in the gulag, he went to the White House and asked Reagan never to stop his hard-line speeches. Sharansky said news of those speeches was passed from prisoner to prisoner in the forced-labor camps.

After eight years of Reagan and his constant efforts, the Soviet Union collapsed. And Kremlin chieftains who had once promised to bury us were now asking for inclusion in NATO. That this is now a commonplace—ho-hum, the Berlin Wall fell—is proof of how quickly we absorb the astounding. An elderly woman I know was at lunch at a great resort one day before World War I began. Suddenly from the sky, one of those new flying machines, an aeroplane, which no one there had ever seen, zoomed in to land on the smooth, rolling lawn. Everyone ran out to look at this marvel and touch it. What, she was asked 70 years later, did you do after that? “We went inside and finished lunch.”

That’s what the world did after the Wall came down, and is doing now. We went inside and finished lunch. But it is good to remember: a marvel had visited, had come down and landed on the lawn, even though such things are impossible. And it’s good to remember that though many people built and funded and sacrificed for the “plane,” Ronald Reagan was its pilot.

Domestically, he was no less a smasher of the status quo, a leader for serious and “impossible” change. F.D.R., the great President of Reagan’s young manhood and from whom he learned the sound and tone and tense of the presidency, convinced the country in the 1930s that only the bounty and power of the Federal establishment could fully heal a wounded country. Reagan convinced (or reminded) the country that the bounty came from us, the people, that the power was absorbed from us, the people, and that we the people would benefit from a good portion of their return. Reagan had a libertarian conviction, which is really an old American conviction, that power is best and most justly wielded from the individual to the community to the state and then the Federal Government—and not from the Federal Government on down. He thought, as Jefferson said, that that government governs best that governs least. He wanted to shrink the bloated monster; he wanted to cut very seriously the amount of money the monster took from the citizenry each year in taxes.

He was not afraid to speak on school prayer and abortion, though his aides warned him it hurt him in the polls. He cared about the polls but refused to let them silence him. Abortion is wrong, he said, because it both kills and coarsens.

In doing all this, in taking the actions he took at home and abroad, in using words and conviction and character to fight, he produced the biggest, most successful and most meaningful presidency since Franklin Roosevelt’s. In fact, when you look at the great Presidents of this century, I think it comes down to two Roosevelts and a Reagan. Reagan kept Teddy’s picture in his Cabinet Room, in part because he loved T.R.’s brio in tackling the big questions.

The result of Reagan’s presidency? I asked him a few years after he left office what he thought his legacy was, how he would sum it up. It wasn’t a very Reagan question: he didn’t think much about his personal place in history, he thought about what was right and then tried to do it. But he told me he thought his eight years could be summed up this way: “He tried to expand the frontiers of human freedom in a world at peace with itself.”

He came from nowhere, not from Hyannis or Greenwich but from nowhere. He was born above a store in Tampico, Ill., born in fact 16 years before Lucky Lindy landed in Paris. It is easy to romanticize the Midwest Reagan came from, but he didn’t. “There was nothing in those towns,” he told me when I asked, years ago, why he left. He wanted more, and got it, in Hollywood and beyond. But he was not just a lucky and blessed young man, a bright fellow smiled on by the gods. He had grit.

He showed one kind of grit by becoming a conservative in Hollywood in the ‘50s and ‘60s. Just when everyone else was going left, particularly everyone in Hollywood who could enhance his career, he was going right. But he held to his position. It is easier to have convictions when they are shared by everyone around you; it is easier to hold to those convictions when you are surrounded by like-minded people. He almost never was.

He could take it in the face and keep on walking. Reaganites like to point to his 1976 run for the presidency, when he came within an inch of unseating Jerry Ford. When Reagan lost, he gave a valiant speech to his followers in which he spoke of the cause and signaled that he’d be back.

But I like to remember this: Reagan played Vegas. In 1954, when demand for his acting services was slowing, Reagan emceed a variety act to make money and keep his name in the air. He didn’t like doing it. But it was what he had to do, so he did it. The point is he knew what it was to be through, to have people not answer your calls. When I thought about this time in his life once, I thought, All the great ones have known failure, but only the greatest of the great use it. He always used his. It deepened him and sharpened him.

What was it that made him great? You can argue that great moments call forth great leaders, that the ‘20s brought forth a Harding, but the dramatic and demanding ‘30s and ‘80s summoned an F.D.R. and a Reagan. In Reagan’s case, there was also something else. It was that he didn’t become President to reach some egocentric sense of personal destiny; he didn’t need the presidency, and he didn’t go for it because of some strange vanity, some weird desire to be loved or a need of power to fill the empty spaces within. He didn’t want the presidency in order to be a big man. He wanted the presidency so that he could do big things.

I think as we look back we will see him as the last gentleman of American politics. He was as courtly and well mannered as Bill Clinton and Newt Gingrich are not. He was a person of dignity and weight, warmth and wit. The English say a gentleman is one who never insults another by accident, but Reagan took it a step further: he wouldn’t insult another on purpose.

For all that, there was of course his famous detachment. I never understood it, and neither, from what I’ve seen, did anyone else. It is true that when you worked for him, whether for two years or 20, he didn’t care that much about your feelings. His saving grace—and it is a big one, a key one to his nature—is that he didn’t care much about his feelings either. The cause was all, the effort to make the world calmer and the country freer was all.

Reagan’s achievements were adult achievements, but when I think of him now I think of the reaction he got from the young. It was as if some mutual sweetness were sensed on both sides.

The man who ran speechwriting in the Reagan White House was Bently Elliott, and Ben’s secretary was a woman in her early 20s named Donna. She adored Reagan. When he came back from long trips, when his helicopter landed on the White House lawn, the sound and whirr of the engine and blades would make our offices shake. We’d all stop and listen. Donna would call out, spoofing the mother in a ‘50s sitcom, “Daddy’s home!” But you know, that’s how I think a lot of people felt when Reagan was in the White House: Daddy’s home. A wise and brave and responsible man is running things. And that’s a good way to feel.

Another memory. Ben Elliott went with Reagan on his trip to China in 1984. Reagan spoke everywhere, as the ruling gerontocracy watched and weighed. The elders did not notice that the young of China were falling in love with the American President (that love was expressed in part in Beijing’s great square during the democracy movement of 1989). One day as Reagan spoke about the history of America and the nature of democracy, a young Chinese student, standing in the back and listening to the translation, turned to the American visitor, Ben Elliott. He didn’t know much English, but he turned to Ben, pointed toward Reagan and said, eyes shining, “He is great Yankeeman.”

One great Yankeeman is exactly what he was, and is.

Still, Small Voice

Now that I have spoken of things to keep in mind as you write and give a speech, I want to talk about somebody who broke almost all the rules and still gave a speech that was deeply memorable and enormously powerful. I do this to inspire you: Ultimately your own way is the best way, and mistakes are not always mistakes.

Mother Teresa speakingOn February 3,1994, Mother Teresa came to Washington and gave a speech that left the entire audience dazzled and part of it dismayed, including a United States senator who turned to his wife after Mother Teresa concluded and said, “Is my jaw up yet?”

It was the annual National Prayer Breakfast at the Hilton Hotel and three thousand people were there, including most of official Washington. The breakfast is always an interesting and unusual gathering in the capital in that it is informed by an unspoken goodwill and because famous people, usually political figures, are invited to talk about what they rarely talk about in public: their understanding of God, their pursuit of him, his place in their lives. The assumption is that they will speak candidly, and from what I’ve seen they pretty much do. I have attended three of the breakfasts over the years and been touched by the candor and also the sweetness of much of what I have heard. (I wish I’d been at the one back in the ‘70s when the Catholic bishop Fulton J. Sheen began his remarks with a mock-stern, “Fellow sinners,” and turned to President Carter to say, “And that means you, too.” Carter and the audience roared.)

By tradition the president of the United States and the first lady always attend, and on this day in 1994 Bill and Hillary Clinton were up there on the dais, as were the vice president and Mrs. Gore and a dozen other important people, senators, and Supreme Court justices.

The busy ballroom hummed. Everyone seemed happy to be there, they were friendly and talkative—it was 7:30 in the morning and people had the undefended, approachable look morning sleepiness can give. There was an air of excitement and anticipation: An appearance by Mother Teresa was always an event, for she was not only a saint but a very old one who would not be with us forever.

When I saw her on television or in the papers I always thought of Malcolm Muggeridge, who journeyed to Calcutta to interview her for the BBC in 1969 and who reported the following. His interview with Mother Teresa had been difficult to arrange and would take place in Calcutta’s Home for the Dying, a dimly lit cavern in which filming would be, according to the experienced cameraman, quite impossible. Nonetheless it would be their only chance to see the reluctant nun in her habitat, and so they gave it a go and hoped. Later in London the film was developed to reveal that the room was lit, beautifully and fully, by a radiant light. Where did it come from? No one knew. The cameraman insisted it could not happen as it happened. Muggeridge, a renowned intellectual and yet also an intelligent man, immediately thought: God did this. He wrote of the incident in his book Something Beautiful for God, the bestseller that introduced Mother Teresa to the West, which began to give so generously to her order that its work was able to spread across the globe. What he wrote was, “I myself am absolutely convinced that the technically unaccountable light is, in fact, the Kindly Light [Cardinal] Newman refers to . . . Mother Teresa’s Home for the Dying is overflowing with love . . . This love is luminous, like the halos artists have seen and made visible round the heads of the saints. I find it not at all surprising that the luminosity should register on a photographic film.”

*   *   *

Mother TeresaAnd now here she was—or rather here we were, at 7:45 a.m., waiting. She was not on the dais, presumably because you cannot ask a saint to sit around fidgeting with breakfast rolls and talking NAFT A. That is what presidents are for. And Mr. Clinton did his part with his usual friendliness, listening attentively and applauding warmly as the first speakers rose to welcome the crowd.

Then she was introduced and came from behind a parted curtain to walk slowly to the podium. She was small and moved slowly, hunched forward slightly as those with osteoporosis often are. She wore a white, blue-edged, floor-length habit and looked weathered, frail and tough as wire.

As she stepped up onto a little platform that had been placed beneath the podium there was great applause. She nodded at it. Then she took her speech in her hand and began to read from it in a soft singsong voice:

    Make us worthy, Lord, to serve our fellow men throughout the world who live and die in poverty and hunger. Give them through our hands this day their daily bread, and by our understanding love, give peace and joy.

No thank you, no smile. She just stood there holding the speech and looking down at it. She didn’t look up or make eye contact, nor did she gesture with her hands.

For the next twenty-five minutes she never said anything designed to elicit applause. She just read, and appeared sometimes to be ad-libbing from, her text.

She spoke of God, of love, of families, and told us we must love each other and care for each other. As she spoke I looked around. There were 3000 people in the room, with a plate before each of cool scrambled eggs and warm fruit. They did not eat, but listened, leaning forward in an attitude of unconscious communion. The audience was composed of liberal Democrats, conservative Republicans, and moderates of all persuasion. Perhaps half were Christian members of the prayer breakfast movement, some quite seriously devout and some less so—there’s a bit of this-world networking that goes on. The other half was a mix: Muslims, Jews, searchers, agnostics and atheists, reporters and bureaucrats, waiters and diplomats. A good-natured and attentive mix. And they all loved her.

But as the speech continued it became more pointed. Since Christ, she said, gave up everything to do his Father’s will, so must we be willing to give up everything to do God’s will:

    If we are not willing to give whatever it takes to do good to one another, sin is still in us. That is why we, too, must give to each other until it hurts. It is not enough for us to say, “I love God.” I also have to love my neighbor. St. John said that you are a liar if you say you love God and you don’t love your neighbor. How can you love God, whom you do not see, if you do not love your neighbor, whom you see, whom you touch, with whom you live? And so it is very important for us to realize that love, to be true, has to hurt. I must be willing to give whatever it takes not to harm other people, and, in fact, to do good to them . . . Otherwise, there is no true love in me, and I bring injustice, not peace, to those around me.

To some in the crowd these words constituted a strong moving admonition. To some they were pretty pieties. But to some, to the theologically sophisticated, her words seemed to be addressing the doctrine of sola fide, faith alone. The Catholic Church teaches that faith without works is not enough. Protestantism teaches that faith alone is sufficient for salvation. In my sincere but deservedly humble view this is a frustrating disagreement because it is marked most by a kind of willful misunderstanding, but it is a real one, and goes to the heart of resistance to Christian reunification.

*   *   *

Mother TeresaSo things were getting interesting. And people in the audience were starting to look at each other, eyebrows up.

Then she spoke of how, when Jesus was dying on the cross, he said, “I thirst.” He was thirsting, she said, and is thirsting, for our love. And we are all like this, we all thirst.

    I can never forget the experience I had in the sitting room where they kept all these old parents of sons and daughters who had just put them into an institution and forgotten them, maybe. I saw that in that home, these old people had everything—good food, comfortable place, television, everything—but everyone was looking toward the door. And I did not see a single one with a smile on their face. I turned to a sister and I asked, “Why do these people who have every comfort here, they are looking toward the door? Why are they not smiling? I’m so used to seeing the smiles on our people. Even the dying ones smile.” And Sister said, “This is the way it is nearly every day. They are expecting, they are hoping that the son or the daughter will come to visit them. They are hurt because they are forgotten.” And see, this neglect to love brings spiritual poverty. Maybe in our own family we have somebody who is feeling lonely, who is feeling sick, who is feeling worried. Are we there? Are we willing to give until it hurts in order to be with our family, or do we put our interests first?

    Those are challenging words, and would be experienced as such by an audience dominated by middle-aged people some of whom haven’t talked to Mom and Pop in a while, or didn’t talk enough when Mom and Pop were here. It was the kind of truth that makes people shift a little in their seats, or shift psychically to other thoughts.

    Then came this:

    In the families of the West, she said, it is not unusual that “[the] father and the mother are so busy they have no time for their children, or perhaps they are not even married or have given up on their marriage. So the children go to the streets and get involved in drugs and other things.” This is tragic, she said, for it is within the child that the love and peace of adulthood begin, therefore it is within the family that love and peace must begin.

    There was a bit more shifting now, for an audience composed of humans is an audience composed of sinners, and an audience dominated by busy boomer parents is composed of veterans of sin, the unmarried and divorced.

    She continued, “But I feel that the greatest destroyer of peace today is abortion, because Jesus said, ‘If you receive a little child, you receive me.’ So every abortion is the denial of receiving Jesus, the neglect of receiving Jesus.”

    Well, silence. Cool deep silence in the cool round cavern for just about 1.3 seconds. And then applause started on the right hand side of the room, and spread, and deepened, and now the room was swept with people applauding, and they would not stop for what I believe was five or six minutes. As they clapped they began to stand, in another wave from the right of the room to the center and the left.

    But not everyone applauded. The president and first lady, seated within a few feet of Mother Teresa on the dais, were not applauding. Nor were the vice president and Mrs. Gore. They looked like seated statues at Madame Tussaud’s. They glistened in the lights and moved not a muscle, looking at the speaker in a determinedly semi-pleasant way.

    I was applauding at my table, and most of my tablemates were standing, and I turned to look at what the friendly and intelligent woman to my right was doing. We had had a nice conversation before the speaking began. She was a lawyer, the wife of a member of the Clinton administration, a modern and attractive blond-haired woman in her late forties or early fifties.

    She was not applauding. She was staring straight ahead, impassively, if you can call white lips and a stricken expression ImpaSSIve.

    Now, Mother Teresa is not perhaps schooled in the ways of world capitals and perhaps did not know that having said her piece and won the moment she was supposed to go back to the airier, less dramatic assertions on which we all agree.

    Instead she said this:

      [Abortion] is really a war against the child, and I hate the killing of the innocent child, murder by the mother herself. And if we accept that the mother can kill even her own child, how can we tell other people not to kill one another? How do we persuade a woman not to have an abortion? As always, we must persuade her with love . . . The father of that child, however, must also give until it hurts. By abortion, the mother does not learn to live, but kills even her own child to solve her problem. And by abortion, the father is taught that he does not have to take any responsibility at all for the child he has brought into that world. So that father is likely to put other women into the same trouble. So abortion just leads to more abortion.

      Any country that accepts abortion is not teaching its people to love one another but to use any violence to get what they want. This is why the greatest destroyer of love and peace is abortion.

    Again applause, and I looked once more to the woman on my right. As the applause spread she sat back in her chair and folded her hands on her lap. Then she briskly reached for her purse and took out a notepad. She took out a slim gold pen. It gleamed in the ballroom lights. She started writing down words.

    I couldn’t resist, I peered as un-obviously as I could to see what she was writing. “Shop Rite,” it said on the hospital-white pad. “Cleaners.”

    She was making a To Do list. That was how she detached from the moment. She did not like what she had just heard but she couldn’t walk out, couldn’t boo, so she made a little list of things to do.

    I looked toward the dais. Hillary Clinton was still staring straight ahead, unmoving. I imagined her looking at my tablemate and yelling over, “Don’t forget the Tide.”

    Mother Teresa now spoke of fighting abortion with adoption, of telling hospitals and police stations and frightened young girls, “Please don’t kill the child. I want the child. Give me the child. I’m willing to accept any child who would be aborted and to give that child to a married couple who will love the child and be loved by the child.”

    Later I was to remember this part as Mother Teresa’s carpet bombing. Then she dropped the big one:

      I know that couples have to plan their family, and for that there is natural family planning. The way to plan the family is natural family planning, not contraception. In destroying the power of giving life or loving through contraception, a husband or wife is doing something to self. This turns the attention to self, and so it destroys the gift of love in him and her. In loving, the husband and wife turn the attention to each other, as happens in natural family planning, and not to self, as happens in contraception. Once that loving is destroyed by contraception, abortion follows very easily. That’s why I never give a child to a family that has used contraception, because if the mother has destroyed the power of loving, how will she love my child?

    *   *   *

    It was at this point that the senator turned to his wife and asked if his jaw was still up.

    It was something, the silence and surprise with which her words were received. Perhaps she didn’t know that we don’t talk about birth control in speeches in America. Perhaps she didn’t know, or care, that her words were, as they say, not “healing” but “divisive,” dividing not only Protestant from Catholic but Catholic from Catholic. It was all so unhappily unadorned, explicit, impolitic. And it was wonderful, like a big fresh drink of water, bracing in its directness and its uncompromising tone.

    And of course it was startling, too, as if someone had spoken in favor of the Volsted Act. And indeed the Clintons and Gores looked, by the end, as if they’d heard someone promise to outlaw Merlot.

    And Mother Teresa seemed neither to notice nor to care.

    She finished her speech to a standing ovation and left as she had entered, silently, through a parted curtain, in a flash of blue and white.

    Her speech was a great success in that it was clear and strong, seriously meant, seriously stated, seriously argued, and seriously received. She spoke with a complete indifference to the conventions of speech giving, not only in her presentation— reading the text as if she were reading some dry old document aloud, rarely looking up, rarely using her voice to emphasize, rarely using inflection, expression, or gesturing—but in her message. She softened nothing, did not deflect division but defined it. She came with a sword.

    She could do this, of course, because she had a natural and unknown authority. She has the standing of a saint. May you pursue and achieve such standing as you think and work and write and speak

The Treachery of Time

Diana, Princess of WalesI got word from a newspaper—the same way many Americans did—that Princess Diana had died. That morning, I got up and went out to my front lawn to pick up the thick hunk of Sunday papers, plastic-wrapped against the dew, and there was the picture and the headline, and I realized with a start that I was holding terrible history in my hand.

I felt what a lot of Americans felt: shock, of course, and then sadness, and then shock at the depth of my sadness.

Later that morning, at church, the priest asked for mercy for the souls of all the faithful departed. He named local people. At the end, he added, “And Diana, the Princess of Wales,” as if she were another woman in our community. Which, of course, in a way she was.

It’s odd to be so sad over the death of someone you didn’t know you cared about. To me she was mostly a beautiful blond blur, someone who wore spandex shorts to the gym and went to psychics and vacationed on yacht,. But she also had a lovely tenderness toward those who needed protection. She had beauty, and the consciousness of her own beauty. She married power, and not boring power, but glamorous power. Yet she was unfinished. She would have been an interesting 50. That was part of our sadness, that she died before she could become the person she might have been.

One thinks of her children. You could tell in pictures that Diana loved her boys, that she was delighted by them, that she was one of those mothers for whom children arc not only a gift, but also a vocation.

Do you remember the first photo of Diana the world ever saw, the one published as rumor spread that a young nursery school teacher had been picked for a wife by the Prince of Wales? She was round-faced with big waiflike eyes, and securely on her hip she held a child. You could see that she had a genuine affection for the child . . . and a genuine talent for the camera.

She grew up in public. She was a teenager when she became engaged to Charles; she was still in her 20s when her marriage unraveled. By then her power was not something she’d been given, but something she’d won. She wielded it with real daring. By the time she took on the House of Windsor, she was about as waiflike as a tank. She said she was fighting to win for her boys childhoods that were warmer than the Windsors believed in. If part of maturity is knowing what to fight for, then she was maturing well indeed. All she needed was time.

And that is why people are still feeling the wound. We all live as though we have tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. Most of us go through our days in a distracted fog, ticking chores off our lists. But the essentials—loving people, knowing them—are never on these lists. We forget that surprise is the essence of life, that there are no guarantees, that we may run out of time.

I imagined this scene: A young couple is laughing and holding hands over dinner on a summer night in Paris. And then a robed and hooded figure carrying a scythe walks up to their table and announces, “In an hour your lives will be over.” They would reasonably reply, “That’s not possible. We’re not at the end, but the beginning. We still have time.”

As we all, of course, think we do. As Charles no doubt thought he did. Time to make things clearer and better between him and Diana. Time to help their children absorb the fact of their divorce, to make them secure in the world, to show them love.

But they didn’t. They were fooled by life. This happens to everyone, and you have to try to guard against it. By knowing that you must live life right now, that you have to do the essential things, the big things, right now. We know this, and yet we forget it all the time. We live each day as if it were an unbroken thread, endlessly unspooling when, as we were all so tragically reminded, the unspooling can stop at any time.

A friend mused, Do you think her children will ever get over it? People are like trees, I said. You can cut off a big limb and the tree will survive, but it is forever changed. It won’t have the same shape it was supposed to, and it will blossom in different ways, with an unexpected flowering here and empty spaces there.

And so with those boys. I suspect the only thing that will make mourners feel better is knowing that Charles is devoting his time to his children, giving them the time they will now not have with their mother. And here is a horrible irony: We will probably witness it in a series of photos taken without the subjects’ knowledge by the long-lensed cameras of the paparazzi.